It started with Ben Miller. I gave a cardboard sign guy a buck, and Ben berated me, saying that these guys make more than we do, and probably live in nicer places. He even suggested that this guy might have driven to work, parking his car around the corner, no doubt with back up cardboard signs in the trunk.
I doubted this. Sure, maybe there is an eccentric or two out there who has money but signs it anyway, but they’d have to be the exception. Right? So, I decided to see how much money I could make on the freeway off-ramps of my town. Then I got competitive. I was gonna be the best card board sign guy ever.
So I got together some costumes, and made arrangements with my friend who owns a costume shop to borrow more, and I went onto the freeway off-ramp with my own unique angle.
As I stood out there, dressed as a banana, folks laughed, pointed, and most amazing, tried to pretend they didn’t see me. They also gave me money! Real cash money, for standing on an off-ramp in a silly costume holding a sign!
I also decided I’d utilize the latest panhandling technologies. I started my own panhandling website, WhyLieINeedADrink.blogspot.com. Panhandling websites are nothing new (Wired) but so far, I’m the only guy I’ve found who is panhandling online and off.
So far I’ve only worked the off-ramps for an hour at a time. It’s hot and more than a little humiliating. It’s less embarrassing when I’m costumed as people can clearly see I’m clowning, but I forced myself to do some time as a regular cardboard sign guy for market research. I will do some 8 hour days before this experiment is done. Here’s the results of my panhandling so far.
- Banana Costume. “Hey I’m a Banana Give Me Money. God Bless” $11.50 an hour. Stopped after an hour by cop. Midtown Sacramento.
- Uncle Sam Costume on 3rd of July. Sign consisted of Uncle Sam poster altered to read “I Want You to give me a dollar. God Bless.” 14.50 an hour. Midtown Sacramento.
- No Costume. Funny signs suggested by visitors to my website “Last cardboard sign guy for 2 miles. God Bless.” “Exact Change Only. God Bless.” and “The End is Here—> (Arrow points to edge of sign) God Bless!” $6.50 and hour. Midtown Sacramento.
- No costume, no funny sign. “Please Help. God Bless.” later I added “H.S. Dropout” to the bottom of the sign.” “$8.50 an hour. Two bus passes. One chocolate covered granola bar, melted.” Watt/I-80, Citrus Heights (or some suburb of Sacramento. They all look alike to me.)
All but one of my hours spent on the off-ramps has brought me more than minimum wage. More than many Americans are making working hard at their jobs, and the costumed days brought me more than I make at my day job. I am seriously considering going full time. I make more at this as I gain experience and learn the tricks. Walk up the off-ramps so that your right next to each car. Make eye contact. Say hello to folks. ALWAYS have a “God Bless” on your sign, but never specify which god. And, most important of all, WEAR SUNSCREEN.
My internet panhandling has brought me $30.00 in less than a month in ad revenue from the Google ads on my website and $13.33 in pay pal donations so far. Well, I’m all typed out and I could really use some mango iced tea from Pete’s. Can you maybe spare a couple bucks? God Bless.
July 12th, 2005 at 11:27 am
Now try this disguise. Make yourself look unclean and ugly…disheveled hair, grizzled beard, missing tooth or open wound. You won’t make squat, which is what the majority of those poor bastards make. Most of them are also mentally ill, to some degree.
July 12th, 2005 at 11:37 am
Any chance you’d want to talk about your panhandling adventures on the radio, KHTK / Sports 1140?
July 12th, 2005 at 12:06 pm
Sure I’m a Banana…but where’s my money?
“So, I decided to see how much money I could make on the freeway off-ramps of my town. Then I got competitive. I was gonna be the best card board sign guy ever.”
Original Site
Banana Costume. “Hey I’m a Banana Give Me Money. God …
July 12th, 2005 at 12:08 pm
[...] my town. Then I got competitive. I was gonna be the best card board sign guy ever.” Original Site Banana Costume. “Hey I’m a Banana Give Me Money. God Bless” $11.50 an ho [...]
July 12th, 2005 at 12:21 pm
You need to also get yourself a shaggy dog with a kercheif tied around his neck. That works for the guy that I see working his way up and down I-35 in KC. Even though he always changes his sigsn, he’s got the cute, panting, shaggy dog sitting with him.
July 12th, 2005 at 12:56 pm
I’ve seen a lof of shaggy guys with kerchief’s around their neck when I’m in the Castro in San Francisco. Does that count?
July 12th, 2005 at 2:40 pm
Spend a lot of time in the Castro, John?
July 12th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Jealousy ill-becomes you, Swede.
You know you’re always my bitch.
July 12th, 2005 at 6:43 pm
Wanna interview on the Kain Nation Night Show?
Email me or IM me…
Email: Kain@KainNation.com
AOL: KainNation
July 12th, 2005 at 7:24 pm
What off ramp of Sac do you do this at? I would love to come by and get a photo op w/ you! (although in the banana outfit ;))
–Sara
July 12th, 2005 at 9:17 pm
I have to agree with the dog proponents. I have little sympathy for beggars but somehow, when they’ve got a dog with them, it just tugs at my heartstrings and I give them change. Also, try shitting and/or pissing on yourself. When I see that, I usually feel so bad for the guy I throw him some change.
July 12th, 2005 at 10:08 pm
[...] Idea for Edgar If you can’t find a new job, you can always try a banana suit. This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 13th [...]
July 12th, 2005 at 10:33 pm
[...] on your sign, but never specify which god. And, most important of all, WEAR SUNSCREEN. Badmouth � � why lie? i need a drink (Thank your Kevin for this bit of news) funny, free mone [...]
July 13th, 2005 at 7:41 am
In Baltimore, MD there are some pro bums who hang out in front of the Orioles Baseball Field during game day. They park themselves in the middle of the thousands of people walking to the game. There is one guy with a perpetual cast on his arm which oddly is new every time. Since a lot of people take their kids to the game they feel morally obligated to give a bum with a broken arm a buck since they will likely buy 3 beers for 15$ and 30$ to park their car. They don’t want to hear, “Daddy why didn’t you give that poor man some money?” My brother once told a bum he’d say a prayer for them as he had no money and the guy went all red assed baboon on him. If you want to sample fine bummary, go to Fells Point (Block of Bars) in Baltimore, there is one bum who threatens to spit on you if you don’t give him money. They probably locked him up by now or he was shanked for his shoe laces. One Baltimore bum followed my friend into a McDonalds bathroom and started singing him songs for money while he was using the urinal. Then he followed him back to us and he started dancing around asking my friends their names and started singing songs about them. They actually gave him like 6$ and then the guy stopped acting twitchy and crazy and was like, “Hey, any you guys got a smoke?” He was apparently on a bumming smoke break. It was kind of Clock Work Orangeish . I wonder at what point you can use Mace.
July 13th, 2005 at 10:56 am
About 10 years ago, a study in NYC determined a dedicated, 40 hours a week, 9 to 5, 52 weeks a year panhandler could make $40,000 TAX FREE!!!!! Looks like you have proved the point. Funny stuff.
July 13th, 2005 at 12:47 pm
Willie,
I’ll do some research and see if I can find some information on that study. I wonder if it takes into account factors like attractiveness.
Kaine,
Your e-mail’s bouncing and your site offers no help. Email me at whylieineedadrink@yahoo.com if you want to do the radio interview.
Dan,
Great story. Maybe I’ll use part of it on my website if that’s cool?
Chris,
Yeah. I am not doing this to make fun of the plight of the homeless, many of whom were kicked out of mental care faccilities in reagon’s eighties. It was my concern for these people that led me to look into this in the first place. And while my hourly numbers may suggest potential for a decent wage, I am finding out that it’s hell out there, and that without a costume and a bath I don’t do so well. I’m going to live for one week off of my panhandling, no housing or food accept what the panhandling affords me. I’ll be doing this in a coule of months.
Thanks everyone for all the comments, links, and I’ve gotten quite a few donations.
July 13th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
My dad told me in the 1930s-40s in downtown Portland, OR, there was a guy w/o a leg who use to panhandle all day. Then at night my dad would see him (with a wooden leg I suppose) in a suit in a nightclub. The guy was supposedly quite well off.
Good luck.
July 13th, 2005 at 10:19 pm
Do active pan-handling in a downtown area. Make up a story and just confront padestrians on a busy day in the middle of the city. They seem to do well.
July 18th, 2005 at 2:55 pm
I’ve had a similar idea for sometime, but my costume would be a business suit and tie, and a Planet of the Apes foam latex appliance. My sign would say “Feed the monkey”, but now that I think of it, I should change that. I can imagine getting a lot of fruit.
August 16th, 2005 at 8:02 pm
Hah, thats awesome
December 13th, 2005 at 9:52 am
Why lie? I need a drink.
This article totally changed the way I view panhandlers:
It started with Ben Miller. I gave a…
December 23rd, 2005 at 3:44 pm
[...] Holiday Spirit, Keith begged for money dressed as Santa Claus, rather than his traditional banana costume. Keith claims to be making a documentary film on panhandling. I still maintain th [...]
December 16th, 2006 at 12:01 am
Наша компания предлагает создание сайтов по любой тематике. Создание сайта в нашей компании - это короткие сроки создания сайтов, умеренные цены …
February 6th, 2007 at 6:26 am
March 28th, 2007 at 6:45 am
April 25th, 2007 at 11:38 pm
My cardboard sign sayes:
WORK sucks!
HELP yourself!
DON’T SMILE!
I give out thousand dollar bills with my site (welcome2winning.com) on the back, at the ramps near Casinos in my area. I wear a Shiny Green reflective polyester Leprechaun two peice suit covered in Dollar signs. Kind of like Matthew Lesko selling his book of Government Secret Cash! 20,000 hits & counting baby!!!
Good luck & GOD BLESS!
welcome2winning.com
August 5th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
October 6th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
November 30th, 2007 at 10:41 pm
January 4th, 2008 at 1:36 am
Why lie? I just needed a job 17 years ago when I got sick and lost my job. And while I might not be the best panhandler out there, I’m thinking that a consistent $100+ an hour, and up to $400 an hour during holidays…is a little more lucrative than my previous, good admin. job, making about 40K. I’ve got many, many tricks of the trade which were learned over years of experience and will gladly share with those who are serious. If you want to throw away the banana suits, cute signs, leave Fido at home, and make real money–not chump change–drop me a note at bluidsaxman@yahoo.com.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:02 am
May 22nd, 2008 at 8:35 am