I’ve always felt that action movies can be measured by the villain. Die Hard rode the performance of Alan Rickman as cynical terrorist Hans Grueber. Batman was fueled by the maniacal Joker, and the crushing tension in Silence of the Lambs was fed by the evil presence of Hannibal Lector.
That’s great for action movies. But what about comedies?
I think a similar principle is at work for comedies. Instead of villains though, a great comedy requires a great asshole—not a true villain—but a person who is so instantly dislikable, that we don’t mind when they are tormented the rest of the movie.
So, without further ado, Badmouth introduces: The Top Five Movie Assholes.
5. William Atherton
Reasons to hate him: Ghostbusters, Real Genius, Die Hard
“Everything was fine, until dickless here cut off the power grid!”
“Is that true?”
“Yes, Your Honor, this man has no dick.”
Whether he is playing a dickless EPA inspector in Ghostbusters, a dickhead arms-dealer/college professor in Real Genius or a dickwad news reporter in Die Hard, William Atherton is the dick we can’t do without. There are few joys in the world equal to watching him get torn down by Bill Murray in Ghostbusters or punched in the face by Bonnie Bedelia at the end of Die Hard.
4. Paul Gleason
Reasons to hate him: The Breakfast Club, Die Hard
“Don’t mess with the bull, young man. You’ll get the horns.”
In a rare show of solidarity, students and teachers have agreed on one topic: They both hate school administrators.
Paul Gleason is probably why it’s still considered OK to loath the hardworking administrators of America. His portrayal of Principal Richard Vernon in The Breakfast Club. Set new a new standard for how unlikable a high-school administrator could be. He followed that tour de force performance with a supporting asshole role in the Bruce Willis action picture Die Hard.
3.Gary Cole
Reasons to hate him: Office Space
“Hello Peter. What’s happening? Um, I’m gonna need you go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around nine, that would be great. Oh, oh, I forgot. I’m gonna also need you to come in Sunday too. We, uh, lost some people this week and we need to sorta catch up. Thanks.”
In today’s lightened age we’ve moved past the old stereotype of the boss as dictator: brow-beating, autocratic and loud. But that does not mean that the boss is no longer the enemy. Gary Cole’s smarmy, arrogant Satan-spawned upper-manager Bill Lumbergh redefined the hated boss for the new generation. Oily, non-confrontational and completely oblivious, Cole created the template that all future hated bosses will be based on.
2.Paul Giamatti
Reasons to hate him: Private Parts
“Yes, you know about this? I was in the program director’s office…his name is Pig-Vomit. Yes, ’cause he looks like a pig and makes you want to vomit. Pig-Vomit! Anyways, Pig-Vomit says to me, this is not WNBC. It’s WNNNNBC! WNNNNNBC! And I was not saying the call letters right. It’s a big problem.”
Paul Giamatti is currently wowing critics with his performance as world-class crank Harvey Pekar in American Splendor, but he put himself on the map with his performance as world-class asshole Kenny “Pig Vomit” Rushton in Howard Stern’s Private Parts. In turns, slimy, condescending, arrogant, sycophantic and mean; Giamatti produced a character so dislikable, Stern actually looked good in comparison. That’s impressive.
1.Ted Knight
Reasons to hate him: Caddyshack
“I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.”
Primarily known for hiw work on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Ted Knight staked out a place in cinematic history when he created the most memorable movie asshole of all time: Judge Smails in Caddyshack. Knight’s perfomance was so over the top, that he regularly stole scenes from costars Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield and Bill Murray. Knight’s unending supplies of arrogance, condensation and impotent rage propelled the vague fragments of a plot along, and provided all the major characters with a worthy nemisis.
So hats off to the late, great Ted Knight – the asshole to end all assholes.
Honorable Mention
Bill Murray — Kingpin
Bill Paxton — Weird Science
Mark Metcalf — Animal House
Jeffrey Jones – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Think I missed a fantastic asshole? Leave a comment below.
Tags: Gary Cole, Paul Giamatti, Paul Gleason, Ted Knight, William Atherton
In my humble opinion, the numero uno ASSHOLE of all times is …(drum roll)…..Jason Alexander!
His Asshole credits include:
1.) ALL of the Sienfeld Episodes
2.) Pretty Woman (Richard Gere Punched his lights out – YEA!)
3.) Shallow Hal (PS: the tail is real!)
4.) ALL of his lame ass sit coms
5.) Everything he is in!
Top 5 Top 5 Lists
If you thought I was the only one…. 5. Top 5 Nestle and Ralston-Purina Combinations This is an anomaly in an otherwise unfunny site. Two stock brokers trying to be funny: it won’t take any insider tips for you to…
You’re missing a lesser known, but widely accomplished portrayer of assholes
William Zabka.
Need a hint? You’ll kick yourself when you hear it. “Johnny” from “Karate Kid”. The blue-eyed, blond frat boy with the chiseled chin made a career in the 80s out of playing the douche.
Besides a recurring role in a few more “Karate Kids”, he played the hated “Greg Tolan” in “Just one of the Guys” and “Chas” in “Back to school”. Not to mention being the idolized dick-head boyfriend in “European Vacation”.
In fact, it’s hard to find an instance when he DIDN’T play the asshole. Check out his latest cameo as a fast-talking, dirt bag salesman in the 2004 film “Roomies”. That’s a 25 year career people!
Kevin Spacey in “Swimming With Sharks”. Pure evil asshole.
What about Tom Cruise? He’s a pompous prick in every movie he’s ever been in. I hate that guy.
EVERY Charactor in Memento
> The Inn keeper double charging him and smiling in his face over it
> Carrie Anne Moss, so called “friend” uses him big time
> Joe Pantoliano “Teddy” makes Moss look like a saint
> Sammy Jenkins, way to kill your wife dumbass
Great Movie but man what a bunch of Asses
Also:
James Spader in Pretty in Pink
The guy who killed Braveheart’s wife (that DICK)
And the WINNER IS……
The Last of the Mohicans
Magua
What a total Evil Bastard
Stiffler from American pie. He is a different kind of asshole but he is one of my favorites
one of the biggest asses was also one of the nicest
was jim carrey as hank, charlies split personality on Me Myself and Irene
What about Chet (Bill Paxton) in Weird Science. (“Yer stewed, buttwad!”)? Maybe not top 5 material, but certainly worth an honorable mention.
Woody,
That’s why we listed “Bill Paxton – Weird Science” as one of our honorable mentions at the bottom of the story. Good to see that great minds think alike, though.
There’s no way William and Ted Atherton are not father and son. I just saw the son on “Candles on Bay Street,” a Hallmark special on TV, and assumed he was William’s son before I even saw the closing credits.
I would have to say
Chet-Weird Science
Biff Tannon – Back to the future.
Can’t belive no one mentioned that asshole.
Frank Debin- Naked Gun. Can’t count how many times I called that guy an asshole.
Or Dumb and Dumber. Both assholes
QUOTE:
There’s no way William and Ted Atherton are not father and son. I just saw the son on “Candles on Bay Street,” a Hallmark special on TV, and assumed he was William’s son before I even saw the closing credits.
:ENDQUOTE
I beg to differ. For one thing, William Atherton’s full name is William Atherton KNIGHT (source: IMDB.com). Secondly, Ted Atherton was born in Winnepeg, Canada in 1963. William was born in Connecticut in 1947. So unless Bill was a daddy at age 16, it’s not possible.
Now, I’m not saying that there’s NO family connection. I received a letter from Ted in reply to a fan letter I’d penned, wherein he said he had family in the Boston area. So it’s definitely possible. But not father/son.
If I could cross over to television for one momment, I’d like to comment on the character of Maj. Frank Burns from M*A*S*H played by Larry Linville. I have never seen such an asshole in my whole life, wondering if he wasn’t really like that in real life, especially when meeting up with his friend, Col. Flagg, asking him if there is anybody that he can ‘tell on!’
How about Burke from Aliens? “It was a bad call Ripley. It was a bad call.”