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Overall Rating: 2/5
Director: Kevin Donovan
Starring: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs, Debi Mazar
Tagline: Crouching Cummerbund, Hidden Bow-Tie?
Call me old fashioned, but the whole idea behind a Jackie Chan film is that he does a bunch of physically amazing stuff without the aid of wires or computers. So why put Jackie Chan in a film where he does a bunch of physically impossible stuff with the aid of wires and computers?
I realize Chan is getting a little older, and that he probably doesn’t want to break any more bones than he already has. But that doesn’t excuse this pile of refuse masquerading as an action film.
Chan stars as Tong, James Tong — a cabbie whose fast driving catches the attention of a government agency you’ve never heard of. He becomes the personal driver for a suave British secret agent who has a special wardrobe. It seems he has a tuxedo that interfaces directly with the human brain, turning the wearer into an instant expert at just about everything: sniping, dancing, climbing up walls, defying gravity, and singing “Sex Machine.” The suave agent gets hurt, the driver puts it on: voila! Instant movie! Just add water.
The plot involves water, but don’t worry about it — the writers obviously didn’t. It amazes me that stuff like this actually gets made.
So why the 2/5 instead of 1/5? Because Chan has a real stunt scene early in the film that reminds me of his good films, and I’m sentimental that way. Besides, if you’re a heterosexual male, you’re going to love the way Hewitt is treated as fetish object by first-time director Kevin Donovan.
Film rating: 2/5
DVD: Anamorphic widescreen; Dolby Digital 5.1, Dolby Digital 2.0 and DTS 5.1 sound; English, French and Spanish subtitles.
The video quality is top-notch, especially considering that most of the action takes place in the dark. It’s an exceptionally clean transfer, but with such a limited color palate it’s still nothing to write home about. The sound is adequate to the task.
Extras: Trailer, deleted/extended scenes (none of which were any better or worse than what was actually left in the movie), bloopers, a documentary, cast and crew notes, and I’m sure there’s something else I’m forgetting. Why do bad movies have so much stuff on their DVDs?
DVD Rating: 3/5
Five Degrees of Separation:
The Replacement Killers � A better action film in which then-first-time director Antoine Fuqua treated his leading lady as a fetish object as well. But Mira Sorvino did it better than Jennifer Love Hewitt.
My Best Friend’s Wedding � The best place to wear a tuxedo.
Die Another Day � Nobody wears it better.
Devil in a Blue Dress � Aside from a Manhattan, this is a great accompaniment for a tuxedo.
The Legend Of Drunken Master � Treat yourself to a good Jackie Chan movie.
March 25th, 2004 at 12:47 pm
Actually, he is having trouble getting insured for movies where he does his more dangerous stunt work. So he’s had to cut back on his stunts.
June 10th, 2004 at 1:16 am
i think that jackie chan is a big loser, if bruce lee were still alive he would bitch slap that mother fucker and send his ass packin, smooth sailin. hell yeah!!!!!!!