Considering how focused most guys are on it, it is surprising that there are not a lot more songs about the penis. Think about it. Men have written lyrics about love; ballads about beauty�why not songs about schlongs?
Because no matter what they say about love, poetry and the theater, there are few things that a man is more attached to�both literally and figuratively�than his penis.
So without further ado, Badmouth proudly presents: The Top Five Songs About Penises.
(lyrics)
Quote: “Even though sometimes it’s a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.”
We start with Detachable Penis by King Missile, who briefly rode their ode to removable genitalia all the way to the top in 1993. Well maybe not to the top, per se, but they definitely rode Detachable Penis somewhere.
Fusing avant gard jazz beats with spoken-word lyrics, Detachable Penis is actually a pretty cool song. But on the down side, they come right out and say the word �penis� in the title. That shows a general lack of willie-inspired creativity.
Baloney Pony Trivia: Detachable Penis was featured in an early episode of Beavis and Butthead.
(lyrics)
Quote: “Isn’t it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn’t it frightfully good to have a dong?”
As this is a Monty Python song, it can generally be assumed that it is the work of Python alum Eric Idle who sang The Penis Song in an episode of Flying Circus.
Like many of Idle’s songs, it is both supremely silly and irresistibly catchy. But the catchiness may work against it in this case, as you don�t want to get caught walking down the street singing about your �one-eyed trouser snake� as a general rule of thumb.
I have no idea how Noel Coward fits into the song. Being an American, I have very little idea who Noel Coward is. But I strongly feel he belongs in the title at any rate.
Baloney Pony Trivia: The Monty Python movie The Life of Brian was banned in Scotland for obscenity. One of the running gags in the movie is that Pontius Pilate has a gay lover named “Biggus Dickus.”
(lyrics)
Quote: “My ding a ling, my ding a ling,
I want you to play with my ding a ling.”
Released in 1955, Chuck Berry�s Maybelline is widely credited as the first complete rock �n roll record. Berry followed Maybelline with other hits, including Johnny B. Goode, Roll Over Beethoven, Rock and Roll Music and more. But despite all the success, this rock pioneer never had a record achieve number one status.
My Ding-a-Ling was a New Orleans novelty tune that Berry had been signing for years. It was finally included on a live album that Berry recorded in 1970 and was released as a single later that year. 15 years after Maybelline, Berry finally had a number one hit thanks to the little man downstairs.
Baloney Pony Trivia: Berry was convicted of secretly videotaping women in the bathroom of his restaurant in Wentzville, Mo. No word on whether he asked them to play with his ding-a-ling.
(lyrics)
Quote: “There’s a monster in my pants
And it does a nasty dance
When it moves in and out
Everybody starts to shout”
Monster is one of my favorite songs period, which puts it high on the list of penis-related pop songs, indeed. Monster was a modest hit for singer Fred Schneider, who is one-third of the vocal trio known as the B-52s.
It was the no. 1 track on Schneider’s 1984 solo effort, Fred Schneider & The Shake Society. Filled with hypnotic beats, campy humor and double entendres, Monster was too hot for the bland Top 40 landscape of the ’80s, so it received little airplay.
Baloney Pony Trivia: Although Fred appears to be making the ladies quite happy with the monster in his pants in the song, there is a rumor that he is in fact, well…GAY.
(lyrics)
Quote: “I want to be your sledgehammer
why don’t you call my name
you’d better call the sledgehammer”
Peter Gabriel is widely recognized as one of the premiere voices in art rock. He is perhaps even better known as a video pioneer. Strangely, he is virtually unknown as the writer and performer of the greatest ode to male genitalia ever created: Sledgehammer.
I�ve been a fan of Gabriel’s work ever since the Shock the Monkey days, but it wasn’t until several years after the fact that I realized that Gabriel’s biggest hit was about his big hitter.
I soon realized that recognizing Sledgehammer as a song about a penis at all put me ahead of the curve. Almost no one buys my theory about the song until they actually read the lyrics. At that point it’s so obvious that you’re left wondering how you failed to notice it before.
The subtle hints were there even if you ignored the lyrics. The video starts out showing sperm flowing under a microscope. And the guy’s name is Peter for God’s sake. How much more obvious can you get?
Baloney Pony Trivia: Peter�s song Kiss the Frog is also a tribute to his male member as well as an exhortation for a woman to kiss it. That�s two songs about his penis that made the top forty. The man is a genius.
Tags: penis, sledgehammer, songs
What about “Pink Thing” by XTC?
I didn’t know “Pink Thing,” although I like XTC. Looked up the lyrics.
Yep. It’s a penis song.
You guys forgot “Best Friend” by Jellyfish!
How about “Stuffin Martha’s Muffin” by Mojo Nixon, which pays tribute to Martha Quinn of original veejay fame on MTV. Too bad that Mojo is calling it quits this month, according to his website ….http://www.mojonixon.com/
Female Genitalia? I thought about that as I made this list.
I came up with “Sugar Walls” by Sheila E. Pretty sure Prince wrote it, but it’s definitely about female genitalia.
How about the top five songs about female genitals? Not being a pop trivia god like you, I can’t actually think of any or actually contribute to the discussion, of course. I immediately thought of (and immediately disqualified) “I Touch Myself” as being close-but-no-cigar. Ahem. Help us out, John…just as soon as you’re done accepting that 2004 Dottie.
I love my penis!
Little Feat – Rocket in my Pocket. Another rock n roll great.
My fave genitalia song is My Neck, My Back by khia.
John Hiatt’s “Little Head”
“I’m just so easily led when the Little Head does the thinkin’”
The top five songs about penises
Considering how focused most guys are on it, it is surprising that there are not a lot more songs about the penis. Think about it. Men have written lyrics about love; ballads about beautywhy not songs about schlongs?
Because no matter what they sa…
Another very subtle hint about “Sledgehammer” in the video is the part with the claymation transitions (with the clay Peter Gabriel)… with the red wall that has clay sperm all over it. Watch it closely and you’ll see.
what about short dick man
air conditioners
I’m not sure how much it counts… Has masturbation and some of the most obvious references ever, but seeing as its more about masterbation than the cock, I’m not sure if Killer Pussy’s “Pocket Pool” counts or not… Catchy, though.
Frank Zappa:
Why Does it Hurt When I Pee?
Shove it Right in
I Promise Not to Come in Your Mouth
Dong Working for Youda
Camarillo Brillo
Penis Dimensions
ZZ Top:
Tube Snake Boogie
Pearl Necklace
Ron Geesin and Roger Waters:
More than Seven Dwarves in Penis Land
The Who:
Pictures of Lilly
Mary-Ann with the Shaky Hands
How Can You Do it Alone (especially the live version on the Face Dances remaster; “You unzip your fly, then you shut your eye.”
Mojo Nixon:
She Put a Louisana Lip Lock on my Love Pork Chop
Nirvana:
Moist Vagina
Bloodhound Gang:
The Bad Touch
Vagina
Peter Gabriel’s sex lyrics go all the way back to his days with Genesis. Check out “Counting out Time” on the Lamb Lies Down on Broadway.
umm…how bout a really good song?
Bloodhound Gang: Kiss me where it smells funny
Hahahaha
haha.The detachable penis song is the best one EVER;;i love detacthcable penis’s sooo much; that i ACTUALLY HAVE ONE:O