Appearantly, it is the 25th anniversary of the death of Elvis Aaron Presley.
To commerate this event, the “stupid crap” industry has unleashed a virtual tidal-wave of trailer-park ready merchandise. Crap experts are already predicting that this new Elvis craze may surpass high mark set by the Dale Earnhardt “Dead NASCAR Driver” boom of 2001.
There are Elvis magazines. Elvis trading cards. Remixes of Elvis songs are on the radio, and the “E! True Hollywood Story of Elvis” has been in heavy rotation on the television. Nick Cage helped fan the flames by marrying Elvis’s daughter, Lisa Marie, who only recently overcame the emotional scarring of seeing Michael Jackson naked.
But I found the creme de la creme of this annoying fad in the Sunday paper: a ceramic teddy bear Elvis in a “sequined” jump suit. It’s brought to you by The Hamilton Collection–motto: When you can’t afford the classy stuff at The Franklin Mint, give us a call. The piece is titled Viva Elvis.
The picture of the “piece” is pretty hideous, but I’m sure it would look worse in your office or den. It’s a celebration of tackiness from top to bottom. The bear actually has a strong resmblance to that Prince of Evil, Snuggles, the fabric softener bear.
I like the idea that they chose not to memorialize youthful, vibrant Elvis. Instead they chose Elvis from the Vegas years. I get a little guilty pleasure thinking of Snuggles decked out in a sequined jumpsuit singing Suspicious Minds while hopped up on a cocktail of barbituates, vodka and fried peanut-butter and baloney sandwiches.
Maybe I’ll buy one of these things after all…
God Bless.
Elvis Presley was like no other entertainer in history. He literally shook the entire nation with his own personal style of rock ‘n’ roll and changed the face of rock history forever! and when he crooned lyrics like “…Baby, let me be your lovin’ teddy bear” from his #1 hit, millions of fans went wild!
Now in tribute to this extrodinary legend, The Hamilton Collection presents “Viva Elvis”! Dressed in a dazzling “sequined” white jumpsuit with a Las Vegas-style billboard featuring his name in lights behind him, the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll” will win your heart once again.
“Viva Elvis” is available exclusively from Hamilton and is fully authorized by the Elvis Presley Estate. Our 365-Day Guarantee assures you order without risk. Order Today!
May 4th, 2003 at 4:26 pm
Hey, I’ve got a home-made punk rock Barbie with a Black Flag pink bathing suit. I’ll sell it to you for five bucks!
May 4th, 2003 at 4:26 pm
Die, you vile turd. No, I take that back, as it is an insult to turd. How dare you profane the memory of Elvis. FUCK U! FUCK U! FUCK U! Sincerely, Francois Fly
PS: Fuck U!
May 4th, 2003 at 4:26 pm
I am talking with Sid the Evil Crest manager about having you permanently banned from everything (seeing as she owns everything). Me and that evil bitch may not agree on much but we both love Elvis, and we both recognize anti-Elvi scum when we smell it.
May 4th, 2003 at 4:27 pm
yeah, ban ‘im, ban ‘im good.
I’m getting two Viva Elvis teddy bears so I can have one at work and one at home.
May 4th, 2003 at 4:28 pm
The difference between Elvis and your modern shockers is that Elvis had one of the most distinctive voices ever heard. The shock may have sold the product, but the shock had a real product to sell. Britney has, a butt. If I need a butt, I get a Swank. If in need me some music, I get me some Elvis.
P.S. Elvis haters though ye be, Francois still welcomes you to look at the extremely low resolution video of his first show ever. http://rockass.net/photos
May 4th, 2003 at 4:28 pm
I do not see the reason for all this excitement about a dead has-been. Who cares? Elvis is dead. Get over it.
May 4th, 2003 at 4:29 pm
Now the link should work
http://rockass.net/photos.html
Ian,
Wow man, what amazing insight. You’re right. I’m throwing out my Marx Bothers movies, my Elvis records (Beatles too, two of them are dead ya know), and all my family albums (lots of dead people there, some not even has-beens, merely never wases). You’ve done me a world a good boy. Fuck the DEAD! please note I do not mean that literaly.
Sincerely (but not leteraly)
F-Fly
May 4th, 2003 at 4:32 pm
Elvis Fact#1-When the “King” died his impacted colon weighed 40 pounds. Fact#2- Elvis used to request whole cherry pies and banana splits for breakfast. Fact#3- Elvis made an invention. Glasses with mirrors on them so he could watch t.v. while laying down in bed. Fact#4- Elvis had a hole in his foot that he would constantly dig out to get pain pills. Fact#5- He would takeuppers for the downers and downers for the uppers. Fact#6- Elvis had a monkey. Fact#7- ELVIS IS DEAD!
May 4th, 2003 at 4:34 pm
No Argument. Dead-Yes. Twisted and weird when alive-HELL YES. But one of the most distinctive performers of all time none the less. He had a beautifull voice, super-natural charisma and that hair, my god that hair. He is a wonderfull and important part of our culture. He got weird. Most poor people become weird if they get rich. He’s still The King Baby.
January 12th, 2004 at 7:29 am
Elvis is the best entertainer ever sorry for those who think Elvis is dead ….yeah of course he is but that does not change the fact that Elvis in 2003 is still the number one selling record of all time he even beat signer that are alive today he just receive 15 new gold awards to go with his already impressive wall of golds records
he as sold more than 117 million records only in the united states …yeah only in the united states imagine!
Eminem and the others can do good but never as Elvis did and continue to do forget it!
Elvis changed the face of the world and music his impact can not be compare with anyone else Elvis has a real voice he was a real talent he dint need computer to make his voice sound better!
When Elvis was in a room Elvis Presley was the fucking room i dont care who else was there with him.
Before anyone did anything Elvis did everything!
and as John Lennon said …Before Elvis there was nothing John said that and john was big he was not stupid!
Steph