a lamb to the slaughter

So Badmouth was at the demolition derby in the form of myself and my lovely wife Patti. And although demolition derbies are pretty cool in and of themselves, we found room for improvement.

Our idea was to grab a pi�ata, attach it to the front of Russ�s bumper and take before and after pictures of it, showing the effects of the race. It sounded solid in concept, and Russ readily agreed, only suggesting that we attach it to the rear bumper instead, because the front bumper would not get hit if he did his job right.

We went to a local party supply store and selected what I thought was a white pig, but what we later decided was a partially deformed lamb. But what to put in our pi�ata?

We decided candy was a no-go right away. Eventually, we settled on a combination of three items:

Tomatoes � We were hoping for a cool �blood� effect when these got pulped; Chorizo � To celebrate the pinata�s Mexican heritage; and Dog Food � Because it was cheap and disgusting.

We hung the lamb on the bumper using some zip ties, and then reinforced this with wire running around the its neck. We also slapped a Badmouth bumper sticker over the right-front wheel-well, as it seemed about as safe as anywhere.

Russ entered the first heat.

When the car came back, the rest of the crew leapt into action repairing the car. Patti and I raced to the rear bumper to find our lamb, only to be met with severe disappointment.

The lamb was gone, only leaving behind the hook used to hang it and bits of “lamb guts” on the bumper. There was no lamb carcass to dissect. The lamb guts did look pretty gross though.

The experiment was somewhat of a failure, although we had high hopes that one of the other pit crews was busy removing a mixture of chorizo, tomato paste and dog food off their car’s grill, and wondering what in hell they hit out there.

In a post-mortem meeting, it was decided that next time (and there will be a next time) we would lash a larger pi�ata sideways to the bumper in multiple places. Or maybe attached to a large “boom” that would swing it into other cars.

The possibilities are endless.

Tags: demolition derby